


Fight For You

by kjonginexo



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Happy Ending, M/M, Post-Divorce, ends in fluff, sorry about chanyeol being the douche
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-04
Updated: 2019-08-04
Packaged: 2020-07-31 06:41:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20110819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kjonginexo/pseuds/kjonginexo
Summary: Chanyeol wants to fix what happened between him and his ex husband Jongin, but he needs to figure out how.





	Fight For You

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr: kaihunnies

There are some things that are worth holding on to. Memories, relationships, things that are broken but have the potential to be fixed, people, etc. Chanyeol held onto something that was all those topics combined into one. He decided that this is something worth holding onto, and he chased it down a rabbit hole that took a month to make sure he gathered all the right information. It led him to a house just across the street from the waves crashing against the shore. The house is smaller than he expected, a narrow grey house with grey siding on stilts so if the water got too high the house would be safe from damage. The long cement stoop led to a small patio, screen door in front of a white door that had a little shark hanging from the door on a surfboard. Windows were covered with light grey and white curtains, so Chanyeol couldn’t really peek in. 

His back felt hot and sticky beneath the white button down, not even the tranquil sound of the waves crashing along the honey toned sand helped him relax. He felt nauseous, but he can’t back away. Chanyeol had been thinking about this moment for two and a half years, it took a month to finally work up the courage to get here. He can’t back out now, that’d be cowardly he thinks. He lifted his knuckles after opening the screen door, hesitating for a short moment until knocking against the white wood.The anxiety of standing there, waiting for someone to answer the door felt like too much. He started to doubt himself that maybe no one was home, maybe this is the wrong place, until he heard the doorknob giggle and swing open to reveal his ex husband, Jongin.

This is what is worth holding on to, Jongin. Jongin’s his first love, first boyfriend, first best friend, everything and more under the sun. Everything possible that was good in the world to Chanyeol is Jongin. His voice died in his throat at the sight of Jongin in a plain black tee shirt, grey sweatpants low beneath his hips, no socks or shoes. He hadn’t changed much, he always hated socks. His black hair hung in front of his eyes, slightly messy as if he hadn’t left the house yet but straightened it out some from having his bed head. Soft brown eyes in a confused expression as he stared at Chanyeol, pink full lips parted, speechless. Both of them were left speechless at seeing each other. 

It took a moment before Jongin moved to lean against the doorframe, staring at Chanyeol from behind the screen door. “What do you want?” He asked, voice sounded deep and soothing like Chanyeol commit the sound to memory. “Um, I um, I came here to talk… to you… apologize,” Chanyeol stumbled out, watching Jongin try to read him, see if he was being honest. It took a few moments before Jongin pushed open the screen door, stepping to the side to let Chanyeol in with a silent gesture to tilt his head to the side. “No flowers?” 

Jongin asked, shutting the door behind them both. Chanyeol looked around the small space, feet padding along dark hardwood floors, small grey sofas with mustard yellow throw pillows, picture frames with photos of Jongin and a few other people strewn around the living room. It was tidy, Jongin always has been one to be tidy, Chanyeol always made the mess. “No, um, I thought flowers would be overdone for apologies,” he muttered. Chanyeol always brought Jongin a bouquet of flowers when he gave an apology that didn’t make much sense to either of them. An apology where Chanyeol didn’t fess up to what he did properly and take responsibility, one surrounded by lawyers that could’ve scripted it better than what Chanyeol said in the first place. 

Jongin shuffled awkwardly in place before leading over to the kitchen, pulling out a kettle which Chanyeol was quick to clear his throat, stopping his movements, “Jongin it’s okay you don’t need to make me tea, I mean unless you want some.” Jongin eyed him for a moment, leaving the kettle empty on the stove as he squeezed through Chanyeol to get to the glass dining room table, taking a seat on one of the chairs after flicking on the lights of the small chandelier abovethem. Jongin’s mother always taught him to have proper hospitality, even in times where he didn’t want to, if Jongin really wanted to make them both tea he would’ve disregarded Chanyeol saying no. It made the situation a bit more awkward since he knew he wasn’t welcome here in Jongin’s house, but he needed to do this. 

“Sit, you’re making me nervous,” Jongin commented, snapping Chanyeol out of his thoughts to sit down across from him. “How did you find me?” Jongin took the lead in asking questions, Chanyeol didn’t want to be the one to break the ice despite him needing to be the one to break the ice. He can’t lie and say it was spread around through their friends, their mutual friends took Jongin’s side when everything fell apart, this is the time to be honest anyway. “I’ve been thinking about you for so long and it took me a month to contact anyone who would tell me where you were or how to contact you and the courage to come here took a month to gather as well.” “Who told you?” Jongin asked, he didn’t seem mad, but more curious as to who was the friend who possibly betrayed him for Chanyeol’s cause. “Junmyeon… don’t go off on him or anything he just said that seeking closure for both of us is a good thing.” 

Jongin’s fingers rubbed into the table, smudging the glass with the oils of his fingers but Chanyeol knew he was nervous. “I’m sorry I showed up here unannounced I just… you were in every aspect of my life from when we were both six. It’s my fault you’re gone and I want to apologize to you about it, I want to own up to everything.” Jongin looked at him, long, sad expression in his eyes as he sniffled softly. 

“Why now? You had all this time to man up and apologize to me the right way instead of whatever bullshit you told me during our divorce so why now?” Jongin sounded so painfully hurt, not as bad as the night everything went south but how he did when they said bye on their final day of signing papers and being in court. “I was distracted then, I thought about you all the time but I didn’t think about apologizing to you, I didn’t want to admit I hurt you the way I did but now I can, I can admit everything.” “Admit it then! Stop dancing around it!” Jongin’s voice broke in the middle of his yell. It got tense, Chanyeol expected him to snap but not so fast, he didn’t expect Jongin to be waiting for Chanyeol to admit it to him. He expected Jongin to have moved on, to see this apology as a burden and the way Jongin stares at him tells him otherwise that he had been needing this. “I’m sorry… sorry for yelling.” Jongin whispered, Chanyeol didn’t know if it was okay to pat his shoulder so he settled for patting the table, eyes not leaving the wood now. “It’s alright, you’re right, I should stop dancing around it.” 

Chanyeol looked up at Jongin who was watching him with wet eyes, it made Chanyeol a little more nervous than before but he needed to do this. “I’m sorry I cheated on you, Jongin. I’m sorry I ruined us and everything we spent so long building. You did nothing wrong, and it wasn’t an accident or whatever dumb shit I said or tried to blame you for. I met Baekhyun in a time of my life where I felt like I needed something new because I had been so settled with you that I never got to do that experimental phase. One night stands or really get to know myself without you and in the time we have been apart, I got to think about how stupid that was,” he paused, breath shuddering as tears slipped down his cheeks and swallowed thickly before continuing. 

“I fell in love with you and I wanted a life with you, it was my own option, I didn’t want one night stands and getting to know myself with you by my side made my life infinitely more stable than it would’ve been without you. I’ve never experienced a life so unstable and miserable until I ruined us and took you out of the picture. Jongin, I’m so sorry.” His voice was ridden with tears, croaking and hiccuping in between words. It felt like such a relief in his chest when the weight was lifted from the apology, Jongin didn’t look any better than he did. Tears staining his face as his bottom lip shook as he sat staring at Chanyeol in silence. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered, he couldn’t believe he did something as ridiculous like ruin this relationship with Baekhyun and take so long to even come back here, to tell Jongin he was sorry. 

Chanyeol looked down, he expected to be told to get out and never come back, but instead he felt a hesitant warm hand on his shoulder giving him a squeeze. “This is the sorry I wanted, Chanyeol,” Jongin whispered only resulting in Chanyeol crying a bit more as his shoulders shook when he moved. “I’m sorry it took me so long to apologize,” Jongin shushed him, the hand on his shoulder went to the chair to turn him and it felt like hours of hesitation when really it was just moments for Jongin to lean over and hug Chanyeol. The hug started in what felt a little awkward before shifting into a hug with a death grip on Jongin’s shirt and Chanyeol felt like his ribs were being squeezed together to mold into one. “I forgive you,” Jongin whispered, and even though it was muffled against Chanyeol’s shirt. It felt like all of Chanyeol’s problems disappeared, he felt at peace, safe, he felt like he was home in Jongin’s arms. “Thank you,” Chanyeol whispered. 

He didn’t know how long they had hugged for, long enough for Chanyeol’s fingers to ache holding Jongin’s shirt so tight in his hands at least but that wasn’t an exact time. Chanyeol wonders if Jongin missed him too and that’s why he clung onto him so long or maybe if its just because Chanyeol was crying in a way he usually never cried but even then, Jongin had no obligation to hold him until he felt better. They pulled away with puffy eyes, red cheeks and shy smiles at how they held each other for a long period of time. “Are you still with him?” Jongin asked, an underlying blanket of hurt cloaked the words. “No, I broke up with him maybe a week after our divorce finalized. I didn’t want to be with anyone…,” the ‘but you’ goes unspoken, but Jongin seems to know what Chanyeol originally meant to say. 

There was a pause, a pause that felt uncomfortable for both parties involved until Jongin cleared his throat. “Do you want to stay a little longer for dinner? I’m learning how to cook and stuff so maybe you could try it?” Chanyeol’s eyes widened, he expected to leave now with no way to contact him. He took it though, nodding excitedly before slowing his nods down to try and tamper his excitement. “That sounds really great, um, thank you.” Jongin nodded with a small smile, the first smile Chanyeol had seen since he gotten here. It’s not the smile he’s used to seeing but it’s a smile nonetheless and he missed it. “What’re you doing now?” Chanyeol found himself asking as Jongin walked into the kitchen, turning on the lights. The kitchen was small, but if it was just Jongin it made sense for him to have a place so small. 

“I teach online school, writing,” Jongin got out a cutting board with onions, bell peppers, garlic, and beef. “I thought you said it was rewarding to teach because you got to see their progress in person,” Chanyeol countered, watching the small smile rise to Jongin’s lips. “You remember that?” Chanyeol turned in the chair, chest against the back of the chair. “I do, I remember everything you told me, so what gives?” Jongin paused at the everything, clearing his throat as he grabbed a knife and started to smash the garlic against the board. “I wanted to live out on the beach since it was away from everyone and everything. The only one near me anymore is Sehun, you know we’ve always been really close outside of… yeah, um, there’s no teaching jobs available out here so I took the ones that were online. Pay the same, I’m still doing what I love. You?”

Sehun was Jongin’s best friend behind Chanyeol, Sehun had gotten married to his own boyfriend just a couple of years after Jongin and Chanyeol got married, so Chanyeol didn’t pitch a fit of jealousy. “I’m still producing music, moved a little closer to the studio since y’know, it’s just me. I’m glad you found a way to be happy and still do what you wanted to do,” Jongin nodded, mincing the garlic, sprinkling salt to smear it into a paste before starting to unsheathe the onion, chopping it into slices. “You too, music has always been your life… Chanyeol can you go in the cupboard on the right next to the stove to grab a pot?” Chanyeol got up, shuffling in the small kitchen space with a soft apology to bumping into Jongin. 

This reminded Chanyeol of when they dormed together in uni, both shuffling around a small kitchen but they weren’t worried about bumping into each other. Chanyeol felt like if he got too close to Jongin right now that he’d be invading his space or making him uncomfortable but back then all they did was bump into each other and kiss one another against a countertop. It’s different now, it felt wrong, Chanyeol never felt scared or nervous to be in Jongin’s space like he did now. He did as he was told, grabbing the pot and put it on the stove. “Soy sauce, brown sugar, pears, garlic, ginger, pepper, and sesame oil all goes in there if you don’t mind, I’ve got all the stuff for the sauce prepared in the fridge, I did it this morning.” 

If Chanyeol took out the fact that they were in the situation they were in, it felt domestic again. Just being around Jongin made him feel better, infinitely better than he had ever felt since the divorce. He missed Jongin so much, he knew he missed him a lot but he didn’t realize it was so strong until he felt the man near him. They had been together at the hip since they were 11, it felt wrong to be without Jongin and he knew it was so true while they were apart but being in the same space with one another again made it feel whole. The hole in Chanyeol’s chest felt complete since Jongin was there, and he soaked it in as much as he could. 

He started cooking the sauce, Jongin next to him browning the beef. Their arms bumping into each other with shy smiles on their lips with their eyes on the pans in front of them. “I’ll take over from here, thanks Yeollie,” Jongin mumbled, cheeks a little pink as Chanyeol backed away to sit on a counter behind him. “Do you remember when we were in university and we tried to make waffles and ended up burning them, setting off the fire alarms?” Jongin giggled, pouring the meat into the sauce, the giggle made his heartstrings thrum. “Or when we got high and tried to make a frozen pizza but didn’t take the plastic off?” Chanyeol and Jongin laughed, and for once it felt comfortable. It wasn’t what it used to be, there was still a wall, reserved but he was cracking down the walls. 

“I can’t believe we didn’t get kicked out that night,” he laughed quietly, watching Jongin shake his head at the memory, turning around to look at Chanyeol. “People were worse than us, that’s how we didn’t get kicked out. Do you remember Jackson?” Chanyeol nodded, laughing, how could he forget? Biggest party boy in the campus. “Of course, what about him?” Jongin smiled, keeping his eyes on Chanyeol’s as he crossed his arms. “I never told you but he told me he got suspended from campus one time for making dildo molds of their frats dick for a fundraiser to get a movie theater room in the house, I think we weren’t the worst there.” Chanyeol bursted out into laughter, shaking his head, almost missing the fond smile on Jongin’s lips. “Why wouldn’t you tell me? That’s golden,” Jongin giggled, shrugging, “I don’t know it always slipped my mind,” Jongin giggled, Chanyeol’s own fond smile took shape on his lips. 

They stared at each other for a beat too long, Chanyeol felt so much longing, fondness, adoration, love, sadness, it felt like a tornado of feelings drowning him all at the same time. Jongin looked about the same, but it was the man across the kitchen who broke contact to turn around to face the stove. “It smells good,” Jongin said lightly, changing the topic from the elephant in the room. Chanyeol knew they couldn’t dance around it or pretend it wasn’t there, but for Jongin’s sake he’ll go along with it. “Definitely, better than anything you’ve ever cooked at least.” 

A gasp emit from the tan male, turning around with the spatula covered in sauce in hand. “Excuse me?” Chanyeol couldn’t help but laugh, raising his hands to wave them side to side. “Kidding! I’m kidding! Relax Jonginnie,” Jongin looked at him, a sad look in his eyes and for a moment Chanyeol didn’t know what he did wrong until he realized he said the name. Chanyeol had exclusively called Jongin Jonginnie and banned anyone else from using it, he wonders if it’s still the same. “Sorry I,” “No! No don’t apologize it’s just um… it’s been a while.” That answered Chanyeol’s question, making him nod with a little smile on his lips, “You’ll always be Jonginnie to me.” 

Another silence fell over the two making Chanyeol feel like he shouldn’t have said it but Jongin used the silence to serve the food, only speaking after he poured the bulgogi in bowls, grabbing two metal chopsticks to stick in the meat. “You’ll always be Yeollie to me,” he smiled, this smile is wider than the last one as he extended his hand out to Chanyeol to pass him a bowl that had a little more meat than the other. Like he used to do, everything was like how he used to do and it made his heart squeeze. “Thank you, Jonginnie,” he took the bowl with a little head bow, watching the younger giggle and shake his head, pushing through to sit down at the dining room table with Chanyeol following shortly behind. 

“Be honest and tell me how it tastes,” Jongin asked, waiting for Chanyeol to take the first bite. It smelled delicious so Chanyeol’s sure if it tastes anything like it smells it’d be a really good meal. He picked up a piece of meat, smearing it in the sauce before popping it in his mouth with a pleased hum and wide eyes. “Yah Jongin you may be better than me, this is amazing!” Jongin giggled, grinning as he started to dig in with an aura of pride circling him. “Thank you Yeollie, I still think you make the best seolleogtang ever.” Chanyeol snorted, he remembered how it was basically pulling teeth to get that recipe from his mother. “I’ll thank my mother for you then,” Jongin laughed and the meal fell into a comfortable silence. 

They caught each other’s eyes every now and then before their lips split into cute smiles that made them gaze down into the bowl of beef in front of them. Chanyeol missed this, and he knows he could have this with anyone where he could be eating and shyly catch their eye as they’re already staring at him or vice versa, but it wouldn’t be the same. The only reason why this mattered so much to him is because it’s Jongin. Jongin is the boy he’s been all about since he could remember figuring out what feelings were, shared all of his pivotal moments with, only felt the tingles of butterflies and the sparks of electricity when they touched. Chanyeol had someone else to have those moments with and it didn’t amount to be the same thing. It never could be the same.

That comfortable silence carried as Chanyeol packed away the leftovers into a plastic container while Jongin started soaking the dishes in hot soapy water. “Dry for me?” Jongin asked over his shoulder after Chanyeol put the Tupperware in the fridge. “Yeah of course,” he nodded, taking a rag and watched Jongin’s hands dip into the suds with the sponge to start scrubbing at the pan. “Thank you for apologizing to me,” the man said softly, making Chanyeol smile and look down at his feet. “I thought it was time to put on my big boy pants for once, grow some balls as you always told me.” Jongin laughed, handing Chanyeol the clean pot for him to dry with the little rag and set in the kitchen dish rack. “I miss having you around,” Jongin whispered and it sounded like he had said something wrong in his tone but Chanyeol felt elated. 

“I miss you,” Chanyeol whispered back, taking one of the bowls. Jongin froze for a moment and continued to scrub. “You know we can’t try again,” he mumbled and all the happiness Chanyeol felt had melted into heartbreak. It ached, it hurt, it felt like a thousand knives stabbed him all over. He took the second bowl, clearing his throat to compose his voice to not break from nearly crying, “why can’t we?” Jongin bit on his bottom lip as his hand sunk back into the suds to drain the sink, turning on the colder water to clear out the sink of bubbles. “I don’t trust you and I don’t think there’s anything you can do to get it back,” his voice, despite being a whisper, sounded so harsh. 

He blinked back the water from his eyes and bit on his bottom lip hard to the point of tasting copper in his mouth. “How do you know if you don’t even try?” Chanyeol murmured, turning to face Jongin who didn’t turn to face him. “I think it’s time for you to go, Chanyeol,” Jongin turned to meet his eyes, sad look in them with water making the whites of them a bit foggy. “Tell me how are you supposed to know if you don’t try, Jongin?” Jongin shook his head, crossing his arms, “you cheated on me you can do it again. Just go Chanyeol. Thank you for your apology, maybe one day we can be friends but that time isn’t now just go, please.” Chanyeol opened his mouth to reply but he had nothing to say. He hurt Jongin enough, he didn’t want to argue with him about why he should give him a chance since really why should Jongin give him a chance? Chanyeol threw away 13 years of love and trust for a boy with a nice singing voice over a stupid midlife crisis. 

Chanyeol stepped out of the house into the warm wind, back facing the door that shut behind him without a further goodbye. His eyes stung with water as he stared at the car straight ahead of him, the black sky instead of the sun from earlier made it look sadder to get in than the day. He heaved himself down the steps, going to his car and got in with a slam of the car door, slamming his fist onto the steering wheel with his forehead falling against it. Tears fell down from his eyes onto his lap as he finally let out a cry, body shaking in the car. Chanyeol didn’t want to cry here, in front of Jongin’s house so he collected himself with tears slowly streaming down his face as he drove down the highway, thinking of them. 

He met Jongin when they were both six, Jongin was new to the neighborhood and happened to live just next door and happened to be playing on the sidewalk that fateful afternoon with a new set of hot wheels. Six year old Chanyeol loved hot wheels, he couldn’t get the new set just yet but he knew his parents were going to get it for his birthday… but what was the harm in making friends with the new boy to get a sneak peek? He made his way to Jongin, pushing the lopsided taped up glasses further up his nose and with a crooked smile with some missing baby teeth, he reached out his slightly sweaty hand. “Hi, I’m Chanyeol!” Jongin looked startled, black soft hair falling in front of his wide doe eyes, plush pink lips parted in a bit of surprise as he looked at Chanyeol, then at his hand. It took Jongin a moment to shake his hand, and in a much quieter tone, “I’m Jongin.” Chanyeol took a seat on the concrete, pointing at the cars, “can I play?” since then, they’ve been inseparable. 

Chanyeol learned then and there that Jongin’s a bit shyer than the rest but he prides himself on being able to get him out of his shell by the time they’re 14. Both of them blossoming with friends, growing into their looks. Jongin and Chanyeol both getting taller but Chanyeol never seemed to stop growing, but he liked being taller than Jongin. He isn’t sure why, but he likes it. Jongin took interests in different things from Chanyeol like dance and art, Chanyeol preferred making music or sports, he was particularly good at basketball with his height. Despite all those differences, they still slept over at each others house every weekend and played video games every night at each others house. 

When Jongin turned 15 however, he noticed something a little off with him. He noticed how Jongin would close himself off with his family, other friends, and most importantly Chanyeol. He couldn’t even be around him for too long without making up an excuse to get away, to get some space. Chanyeol felt so heartbroken, like he was losing Jongin and that couldn’t be happening to him since Jongin was his forever, Jongin was meant to be there with him until the end of time and he couldn’t figure out if he did something wrong. He danced around the issue until he couldn’t anymore, showing up at Jongin’s door and asking his mother to come inside. Chanyeol made his way to Jongin’s bedroom, opening the door to see the boy napping peacefully on his bed. He always thought Jongin was pretty but this is the prettiest he’s seen him and Chanyeol chucked it up to the fact that he hasn’t seen Jongin like this in a while but apart of him rationalized that he’s always thought Jongin to be this pretty. 

Chanyeol sat on the bed, shaking his shoulder and saw Jongin wake with slightly wide eyes before a little smile came across his lips. Chanyeol noticed his hair was a bit longer and shaggier now, he wondered when that had happened or maybe he’s noticed all along and he’s letting himself realize it. “Hey Yeollie,” “Jonginnie… can we talk?” Jongin sat up, blankets pulled up to his chest and he looked a little uncomfortable, Jongin’s always hated confrontations with Chanyeol. “Okay… about?” Chanyeol leaned against the wall, looking him in the eyes. The room was lit by the blue twilight sky, dark blue setting in with a silver light of the moon and Jongin looked so pretty. His lips looked really kissable and it scared Chanyeol that he thought that but who else would he really rather kiss? “You’ve been distant from me, did I do something wrong?” Jongin froze from messing with the blanket, shaking his head and his eyes broke to look at his hands. “I haven’t told anyone, and I get if you don’t want to be friends anymore… I like boys, Chanyeol. More specifically,I like you.” 

Chanyeol felt his heart beating in his head like it was about to burst out of his skull in any minute. He wasn’t disgusted, he wasn’t revolted, in fact it kind of felt like a little weight lifted off his chest but he didn’t know what that meant. Did Chanyeol like boys? Did Chanyeol like Jongin? He isn’t sure, he felt like it was suffocating. “Um, I still want to be your friend just give me time to think.” Chanyeol got off the bed, exiting the room without a goodbye and he could’ve sworn he heard a little sob from behind the door, it made his heart ache. The next week hurt the most since Jongin went out of his way to avoid him, but it made Chanyeol realizea lot of things in the missing presence of his best friend. Jongin had a pretty smile, and his laugh was so beautiful. His lips were beautiful and he wanted to kiss him a lot, he wanted Jongin to sit on his lap and whisper cute things into his ear or play video games on his lap. He missed Jongin’s playful teasing, or the shy way he’d ask Chanyeol to come watch him dance, he missed everything about Jongin and maybe he knew his answer. Maybe he liked Jongin, there was never another boy in mind to begin with it’s just Jongin. 

Chanyeol made his way to Jongin’s room again, this time when Jongin wasn’t home since his mother said he could wait for him. He laid in the boys bed, he missed his smell which he thought was weird but it felt like home. Jongin came in, looked at Chanyeol on the bed and he looked rough. He had dark circles beneath his eyes, cheeks and nose a bit red like he had been crying and Chanyeol hated it was his fault, he swore then to never be the reason why Jongin cries ever again. “Chanyeol?” Jongin’s voice was a little wobbly, and Chanyeol didn’t know what to do because words couldn’t be enough. Not really, but he knew he’d had to use them eventually. He got up from the bed, going to Jongin to shut the door, his hand was shaking as he cupped the man’s cheek and pressed him back against the door. Jongin’s heart was audible in the way it was thudding and slowly, he kissed Jongin. Simple, almost like a peck but more depth to it, Chanyeol thinks it’s a good first kiss. “I like you too.” Jongin giggled, and ever since then they’d be together. 

Their first date was out to a rollerskating rink as per Jongin’s suggestion so he could help Chanyeol stop wobbling on his skates like a baby deer. They shared a chocolate shake and a pizza, laughing at their own jokes and it felt like they were in their own world. Life felt different now that it was them against the world, they had to keep their relationship a secret sure but they didn’t mind. They were always affectionate anyways, Jongin just held his hand more often but no one questioned it, no one questioned the kisses into Jongin’s hair and no one questioned if they got lost in one another’s eyes more often than not. Maybe everyone knew, Jongin and Chanyeol wouldn’t care much if they did. Prom came when they were 17, Chanyeol promised that he wasn’t going to take Jongin’s virginity like everyone else planned on doing so instead they went to the beach for their after party. Jongin’s idea was skinny dipping to which Chanyeol was down for, but he didn’t anticipate what it’d be like to see Jongin actually naked. They dry humped and made out until they were breathless with uncomfortable hard-ons in their pants but he’s never seen Jongin naked before until all his clothes hit the honey colored sand. Jongin looked just as in awe of Chanyeol as Chanyeol felt of him but they took to the water, splashing each other until Jongin crawled up, legs around his waist. Chanyeol’s promise was broken after a heavy make out session and in the backseat of his worn out Jeep, but Jongin said it was his plan anyway. 

They went to college together and managed to score the same dorm, and for once they didn’t have to keep everything a secret. It was freeing, it was Jongin and Chanyeol for everyone to know until they went home but those two weeks didn’t matter when they went home. In between shitty part time jobs they got their first studio apartment before the year was over, they didn’t need to spend months in secret with their families anymore, they got to be together all the time. They didn’t care they had to eat ramen for almost every meal with the exception of their date nights, or fried rice, they had each other and that’s what mattered to them. They came out when they turned 20, and to their surprise everyone already knew, but it made them all the merrier. They graduated with degrees, Jongin in teaching for writing, Chanyeol in music production, and at 21, he proposed to Jongin. Their wedding is all on film that Chanyeol always keeps a DVD player for and their honeymoon is all a blur of making love countlessly with a view of the beaches in Fiji just outside their hut window. 

They fell in love everyday all over again, building a better life and they went from shitty studio apartments to beautiful places, full meals, date nights and dancing, able to spoil themselves and got two dogs to have to themselves. It was all beautiful, beautiful with so much love, affection, promises of forever tangled in between promises of unconditional love, promises of the universe, until Chanyeol broke it. 

Chanyeol laid in bed with a heavy heart, the drive home was torturous with all their memories playing in fast forward in his mind as if to remind him what he lost. He could’ve proven it to Jongin that he wouldn’t hurt him again. He could’ve fought for him, he could’ve done all these things and thats where he realizes that’s where he has his right. In all the memories he had, he fought for Jongin and their life, and he fought for everything until one day he stopped fighting and followed some stupid intuition that didn’t make sense. Jongin fought for him, Jongin fought for the life they were trying to build, and the effort wasn’t matched. Chanyeol could fight for him again, he could put up a fight instead of giving up again, like he did tonight. A little bit of hope crept into his heart as he made himself sleep, preparing for the drive again in the morning. 

The drive there was a rainy one, full of telling himself what to say and how to say it, how to make Jongin realize he can do this and they can try again. They can fall in love, stay in love, get the life they’ve always wanted. Chanyeol just needed to fight. His car pulled up to the now muddy driveway in front of the narrow grey house, rain slamming hard against the cement stoop and with a nervous breath he turned off the car and hopped out. He ran up the stairs, squinting from the rain that pelted down on his body and knocked on the door. His shirt was starting to soak into his skin, waiting anxiously for the door to open and when it did, Jongin looked at him with wide eyes in sweatpants and a worn out t-shirt, eyes a little bit puffy, face a little bit red. “Chanyeol… you can’t be here anymore.” 

All the words he had built up in his head on the long drive over died in his mouth, it felt like his brain stopped working but his heart didn’t quit. He took a deep breath, and spoke over the rain since it felt like it was too loud for him to even think. “I’m willing to fight for us, Jongin. That’s how I can prove it to you that I won’t hurt you again. I fought for us to be together, to be us without being in secret, for us to have a wonderful life and when I stopped fighting and matching your effort is when it all fell apart. I’m not me without you, there is no home I can call a home anymore because in all the places I called home, there’s always been you. You have been my home, you have been my place I call safety, you have been everything to me since we were 15 and I can’t let that go. I miss you, I’m still in love with you, and if you’re willing to fight again for everything then that’s the only way I can fight for you. I can’t put in my heart to someone who doesn’t want it, to someone who isn’t willing to try… are you still in love with me?”

Jongin’s eyes were pouring down like the rain from the sky, small hiccups escaping his lips as he cried, nodding as he hugged himself. “How can I trust you?” Chanyeol felt a warm liquid trail down his face, he’s never been more grateful for the rain to hide his tears and he tried to keep his voice steady unlike Jongin’s broken wobbly one. “I’ll have to fight for you to trust me again, but all I know is, I haven’t thought of being with a single person for years because I can’t get the image that it’s you who I’m supposed to wake up next to every day out of my head.” It was silent between them, all there was is the accompanying sound of rain but words weren’t needed when Jongin stepped out on the cement. His hair starting to get soaked as he ran his hands slowly along Chanyeol’s wet chest that his shirt clung to. His warm hands moving along the sides of his neck and cupped his cheeks, leaning forward with their lips barely touching. Chanyeol could feel the warmth of his mouth and it felt so much like home it hurt him. 

“Do you promise to fight for me, Yeollie?” Jongin whispered, Chanyeol’s eyes brimming over with water as more tears fell, a little smile on his lips “I’m here fighting for you now, I’ll fight for you as long as I live, Jonginnie.” He felt Jongin’s smile, heard that little giggle before feeling the press of his lips against his own. Fireworks exploded in his brain as he moved to hold Jongin closer to him, holding him by his shirt that bunched around his hips from the rain. It was just them two again, and he’ll make sure he’ll never lose him again. Chanyeol broke away just barely to mumble “I love you,” and Jongin giggled a bit more, eyes opening as he pulled back to look at Chanyeol. “I love you too… you can come inside… stay as long as you want.” Chanyeol stepped into the warmth of the house, the door shutting behind him and watching the smile on Jongin’s face light up his features proved he’d never stop fighting for him again.

**Author's Note:**

> wow lifes crazy i've been working so much but i'm finally posting! thanks for reading


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